Narcissist

I had no intention of setting my heart on a tee for you to take swings at
Is there someplace that you'd rather be?
Some whore that can fuck better than me?


Are you on the other side of the earth waiting for the phone to ring?
Have you forgotten about me?
Did I ever even enter your vocabulary?


I keep forgetting that you're dead
You've infected all the cells in my head
My heart is the only thing not getting fed


Is this torture your favorite game?
Am I not different?
Does she feel the same?


You might as well hit me, I'm going to cry
I won't kill myself,
I've already died


These pieces here scattered all over the floor
are me,
but I won't be bothering you anymore


You've cut out my heart and left nothing but tongue
All of my soul pours out in song,
but just becomes a hum


I'm crumpled in a puddle, in tears, I'm soaked
and you're nothing to me,
and I'm everything, and I'm broke


Let me out of these chains
I'll be able to fly
But you've got me locked down
it would feel better to die


Yes, I'm exaggerating, you mean nothing at all
It's just that my life got so boring
that it's exciting to fall


Choke me and keep me from breathing in air
and I'll hold your hand
because I'm the one that cares


I'm giving up slowly, you've got all that I was
and life isn't worth living
without having your applause


I'm sorry I have emotions and feelings and scars
You blame your lack of caring on growing up
and wars


You choose every day to be less than a man
Your kids are going to hate you,
much more than I can


I feel sorry for you, your fate is locked down
It doesn't matter where you go,
you'll find you in every town


Your family can't mourn what was never in your heart
But I'm mourning each time the sun rises,
each new day that starts


If I could set you on fire to awaken your heart
I'd hesitate to do so,
your flames burned for someone else from the start


I can pick up the pieces you've left me lying in
But glass shatters
and shards don't go back together again


So, thanks for breaking me wide open again
I forgot what it's like,
this agony, my old friend


Please stop torturing me by not even knowing
That you've hurt me so badly.
Don't pretend that my wounds aren't showing.

Hard Goodbyes

I want to tear my claws into your guilt

gut your morals and leave nothing but filth

I deserve to be happy and I took that from you

I'm not sorry for us, but I'm sorry for you two

You're so sexy and heartless I want you for me

But you're locked down with her and we can never be

Can't you wait to be faithful and honest and true?

Didn't you like all of the things I did to you?

How can you deny me the one thing I enjoy?

I guess I'll find a replacement, some other boy.

Now you've seen me cry and know that I have feelings

And it hurts worse now because you're leaving

Please me and leave me and pretend like we're through

Then come back again like you always do

Does she sit at your feet and beg for your cock?

Or is she waiting for you to leave, eyeing the clock?

I don't want your undying love I just want to be your slave

You can hit me and hurt me because I'm going to misbehave

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in your brain

And then I remember that we're both insane

Perhaps we're too similar and would collide into dust

But the heat and the blast would be fun at first

I teased you and conned you into having sex with me

But, admit, it was better than any pornography

You seemed like the jerk but it was really my fault

You had no chance, you were mine from the start

Your goodbye tore out my heart and set it on fire

I'm clinging to life from a thin wire

Wanting more than you

Oh the things that I would do to you

if you would only let me

A thousand fingers crossed in hopes

that today is the day you use the ropes

It's not fair that I want you more

but both of us would be the whore

Tomorrow you'll ignore me yet again

and I'll be dripping wet with pain

If no one touched me like you do

every day would bring pain anew

your attention is a drug to me

and when we're done it won't be free

I will die a thousand deaths

this thing we've created is such a mess

each breath I take I'll wish the last

all the good won't matter if it's the past

Please give me what I need every day

you have to want me, take me, play

The things you tell me to do

I only want because I want you

My heart bleeds to feel the release

that never happens at home between the sheets.

The husband

We married too soon, you and I

When the love is new, it's easy

Nothing is wrong when you're on that high

We had a family too fast, you and I

We didn't get to know each other

Children made us grow apart farther

We thought we had it good, you and I

The house, cars, jobs, we had it all

And yet with one question I watched it all fall

We've come to an end, you and I

Love doesn't stop but sometimes hurt wins

I guess you and I were meant to be friends

I'm all gone

Carry me back to bed and just hold me

This darkness wrapped around me like a blanket

Impenetrable fortress of fear-based walls

I'm screaming without a voice

Take me out of this hole in the floor

Breathe life into my dead body

Hold on because I'll set you on fire

I'm cold and dead and you've done this to me

Please me and stroke me and make me wet

The sex is what keeps you and I alive

But wait you've pulled that rug out from under me

Back in your hole you stupid girl

Love me and need me like air and water

I'm at the end of this tunnel, don't you see me?

I've my arms wrapped around my beaten body

Pick me up and take me home

Pour your soul into mine like honey

Instead it's hot tar and your words burn me

It's not that I want to be your wife

Can I have just a little bit of your time?

I'm alone in the center of a frozen tundra

I don't even care that I'm frozen to the core

I'm numb but only because I've done all the crying

I've forgotten what it feels like to be warm

Sorrynotsorry

I should apologize for the way I've acted

I've offered you more than anyone else

The attention must have been too much

I'm sorry for being everything you've ever wanted

Maybe it was just bad timing, baby

If we could start over I would do it all the same

I would take the pain you doled out to me

Being terminally horny had its advantages

You taught me what freedom means

I'm sorry for letting you do whatever you wanted

Maybe it was too much for you, honey

All of the sex you'd ever wanted, I did anything for you

Was the fucking more than you ever asked for?

It was

I'm sorry for caring so much about you

Maybe it didn't make sense to you, sweetie

I just wanted to feel good, and you gave that to me

Then took it away and watched me cry

You turned your back on me

I'm sorry for starting all of this

Maybe it's time to let go, alex.

Vanessa Nelson is Dead

For personal reasons, I'm removing all of my posts from Literotica, and removing all evidence of Vanessa Nelson from my life.
Thanks to all both of you for reading the blog, and the one of you for leaving a comment.
Au revoir